This Body is Bullshit

Boy. I really rambled on yesterday. I am keeping this short. It’s Friday and I am so ready for the weekend.

Another crazy storm came through last night. Tornado sirens going off at 8:30pm. I had to wake Matt up out of a dead sleep and drag Fiona out from under the bed so we could all get downstairs together. She was pissed. Shaking and clawing the entire way down. We made it unscathed.

Today they were doing new headshots at work and I skipped. It was Western Day anyway, I had my cowgirl hat on, and I had planned to stop for a bang trim and eyebrow threading on the way home from my oncologist but that didn’t work out.

Saw Dr. Undevia yesterday. He is a riot. Great sense of humor, laughs really loud, no bullshit. I really appreciate him. Donna sees him too, which is one of those things in life that really shouldn’t be, your best friend should not also have the same oncologist. Well, I love him. Donna may have a slightly different take. She did tell me to watch for his earlobes shaking when he laughs. I still haven’t noticed.

I like that he’s honest and straightforward and tells me how it is. Yesterday, half joking, he said he really needs to figure out what to do with me once he retires. He’s somewhere around my age. He chuckled while acknowledging there are a number of complicated things about my case. I take that as a compliment somehow. But it left me wondering just how long will I be doing all of this.

I’m down to seeing him every six months officially, but I still go every three no matter what because I need a quarterly injection, really an implant, since I still have one ovary. He’d like me to have surgery to remove it. I’ve considered it, even with my firm stance of never having another surgery ever. But when I had a scan with the surgeon who would supposedly do it, he couldn’t locate the ovary. So no. I am not having exploratory surgery on a maybe. I continue with the implant quarterly at nearly $6,000 a pop. Dr. Undevia says the hospital must love me for that. I also take a daily pill that he expects I’ll be on for at least another five years before we reevaluate, though there are some new options coming out that he’s considering for me.

He gets the fatigue. He gets the joint pain. He gets the brain fog in a way that nobody else really does. I told him that with my dad’s recent FTD diagnosis I’m terrified I have dementia too. He told me to give him examples. He listened. Then he told me no, it’s the drugs and the surgeries and what both do to my body. And while it’s not dementia, it’s also not going to go away.

So that’s awesome.

Then the exam. When he asked about any changes I casually mentioned this bump, I hate calling it that but bump or lump on my chest, that I’d been thinking might actually be bone. Matt thought so too when I showed him. And Undevia was like, yeah probably, you’ve lost some weight, things start looking and feeling different. Let’s check it out.

Then: Yeah, bone. Oh wait. Hmmm. Can I move it? Hmmm. It’s something. I think a cyst. Not cancer. Your case is so complicated. I’m just going to order an MRI.

I’m not freaking out at all. Honestly.

I told him, you know I have heard the word cyst before and look how that turned out. I also told him I don’t care what it is because I have him to take care of me now. Whatever it is, we deal with it. He said it’s not cancer and we’re probably going to do nothing. Let’s just check.

Yeah. Let’s just check.

He also suggested adding tart cherry juice for the joint pain. Okay. Sure. I’ll try anything at this point.

Then off to the infusion center. Where I got a nurse who was, let’s say, enthusiastic with the needle. It’s not technically a shot, it’s a pellet they inject into my lower abdomen with a fairly significant gauge needle that most people ice before and after. I never do the ice. Yes, I am a complete madwoman. But she used what I can only describe as unnecessary force. The needle is going in regardless, you don’t need to stab me. Got my bandage, scheduled my next injection and bone infusion in three months, and was sent on my way.

I left a little distracted, knowing I now have an MRI to schedule, which is why I skipped the bang trim and the eyebrow threading. I just wanted to go home. I also need to get an ultrasound of my carotid artery because my cholesterol has been suddenly high. My PA flagged it last month.

It’s hard to get old.

TGIF. When I head out of here I’m going to check on my dad and Kathy because during last night’s storm they lost power and as of the last report it won’t be back on for two more days. So we may be having a sleepover.

Have a great weekend.

Like I said — ended up being longer than I thought.