Lately I’ve been listening to Suleika Jaouad’s The Book of Alchemy for the second time — the audio version is even better. On the surface it’s about journaling, but it’s really about noticing. Memory. The small threads that hold a life together. One of the prompts is about music — the songs and bands that…

I’ve been rereading some of my older entries lately and I noticed something. I’m being honest. I am. But I don’t think I’m being fully real. It’s like I’m writing with one foot on the brake the whole time. Shaping things just enough that they’re still presentable. Still palatable. Still something I could hand someone…

The Dogs I’ve been thinking about dogs. All of them. Every single one I’ve ever had. My girlfriend is facing having to say goodbye to her sweet girl soon, and it’s cracked something open in me — that specific grief that non-dog people genuinely cannot understand. I’m not going to try to explain it to…

Colorado Reset We got back from Denver just before midnight last night — exhausted, slightly sore, and genuinely glad we went. I think we were both a little nervous heading into this trip. It had been ten years since we’d seen Matt’s sister and brother-in-law, and you never really know what ten years does to…

Roots There are gifts that stay with you long after the wrapping is in the trash. My best friend gave me a Bryan Anthony necklace and a plaque with the poem Grit on it. She gave it to me at a point when I was barely holding it together — body a war zone, no…

Sore Muscles, Full Heart It’s Monday. Which is to say: the day that requires both caffeine and divine intervention to get out of bed. Yesterday was my second day back at Pilates after five weeks off, and it did not go easy on me. It hurt. Also — I need to come clean — I’m…

I went back to Pilates today. Live, laugh, feet in straps. Pilates — not the gynecologist. Let’s be clear. It felt really good to move again. My favorite instructor Caroline was teaching, and being in her class is like getting a warm hug and a gentle shove at the same time. She’s one of those…

The Ones Who Failed Me I want to talk about the doctors who let me down. I’ve been carrying this anger for a long time — almost three years — and I’m only just starting to loosen my grip on it. Not because I’ve forgiven anyone. Just because rage is exhausting and I’m already tired.…

This weekend, my husband lost a friend. A good man. Kind, private, strong. He fought cancer quietly — didn’t let many people in on how bad it had gotten until about a year ago. He lived across the country, which made it hard for his friends to show up the way they wanted to. They…

I’m Not In Her Walls We had just gotten back from our happy place — a long weekend with some of our favorite people, the kind that sends you home actually recharged for once. I was pulling into the driveway, still in that good mood, and I saw my neighbor across the street. We’ve always…