I just spent a few hours with Drew because I needed him. I was still feeling out of sorts—tight chest, depressed, stuck in my own head—and he was the person I could lean on. Sometimes you just need that friend, the one who grounds you without you having to explain. Drew and I go way…

Today I feel out of sorts. My chest is tight, and it feels like I might be in the middle of a panic or anxiety attack. There’s this heaviness—sadness, anger, despair—that makes me want to curl up in the fetal position. I was late for work because I couldn’t get off the shower floor. I…

People ask me all the time—How are you? And I always answer the same way: I’m fine. And it’s true… most of the time. I am fine. I don’t need anything. I’m not falling apart in a puddle on the floor. But my fine doesn’t mean what most people think it means. My fine is…

Lately I’ve been reading (well, now listening to ) Suleika Jaouad’s The Book of Alchemy for the second time. On the surface, it’s about journaling, but it’s also about so much more—about noticing, about memory, about the small threads that weave a life. Combining prompts made me think about music, bands, songs, and the people…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately—maybe because I’ve gone back and reread some of my older entries—and I realized something: I’m trying to be open here. And I am being honest. But I don’t think I’m being fully real. It’s like I’m writing with one foot on the brake. I don’t know if I’m protecting…

Today, I’m thinking about dogs. All the dogs I’ve ever had. All the ones I’ve loved and lost. I am a dog person through and through, and non-dog people will probably never understand the grief that comes with losing them. I think they’re the purest love we get in this life. Loyal and good and…

We got back from Denver just before midnight last night—exhausted, slightly sore, and genuinely grateful. I think both Matt and I were a little nervous heading into this trip. It had been ten years since we’d last been out to see his sister and brother-in-law, and you never really know what ten years might do…

There are some gifts that stay with you—long after the unwrapping, long after the tears, long after the worst part is over. My best friend gave me a Bryan Anthony necklace and a plaque with the poem Grit on it. She gave it to me at a time when I was barely holding it together—when…

It’s Monday. Which is to say: the day that requires both caffeine and divine intervention to get out of bed. Yesterday was my second day back at Pilates after five weeks off, and let me tell you—it did not go easy on me. It hurt. Also, I misspoke in my last entry. I’m not at…

I went back to Pilates today.Live, laugh, feet in straps. (Pilates, not the gynecologist, let’s be clear.) It felt really good to move again. It was my favorite instructor, Caroline, and being in her class is like getting a warm hug and a gentle push at the same time. She’s one of those rare souls…