This Body is Bullshit

Let’s see… where did I leave off?

We had our annual pumpkin carving at the Wilsons, and it was such a nice day. Of course, Aunt Susie made everything cute, cozy, delicious, a full Hallmark-fall spread, because that’s just who she is. And she’s the best cook. Later that night, we went to Rusty and Heather’s and had another festive evening with them and Ben. I like to call us the Fab Five (whether they like it or not — we’re basically family at this point). Another great meal, great company, and one of those nights that fills your tank without anyone trying too hard.

And now somehow October is over. I really do love October even if I hate saying goodbye to summer. The leaves are gorgeous, Halloween is always a favorite, and I think of my grandma every year since her birthday is the 26th. One of my closest friends shares that birthday too. But now we’re in November, and life is back to being…

Work is still hammering me, and I’m still carrying the mental load of Dad and Kathy.

One happy thing for Kathy, though: instead of flying to New Jersey to visit the Mulroys, they’re taking her to Mexico with them. Well deserved for all of them. Truly. However… that means I’m back on Dad Duty. And yes, I fully know I turn into an unhinged hall monitor when I’m responsible for watching him. I even asked her to drive herself to the airport and park there so he wouldn’t have the car while she’s gone. She definitely thinks I’m nuts.

Today is my 10-year wedding anniversary. A whole decade. And how am I celebrating? With a colonoscopy!! If that doesn’t sum up midlife, I don’t know what does. Aunt Susie insisted on being the one to take me because she cannot wait to fuck with me when I’m coming out of sedation.

Matt and I will celebrate tomorrow. Dinner and drinks in the city at places I’ve been excited to try. Not exactly Matt’s scene, but he loves me enough to be a good sport. At least I hope so… actually, I know he will.

We were up at 4 a.m. for my end of prep (which is his normal hour). We exchanged cards, and out of every card at Walgreens, we managed to buy each other the exact same one. Tell me that isn’t the most “10-years-of-marriage” thing ever.

Looking back at our wedding photos is bittersweet. They’re beautiful memories, but there are seven people in those pictures who are no longer here. Life really does move in strange waves; joy, grief, change, growth all jammed together. Marriage changes. People change. I changed. I’m softer now. Less angry. More intentional. I think writing this, almost turning 50, surviving what I’ve survived… it shifts perspective. Maybe it’s just life doing what life does, rearranging your values and wants when you’re not even paying attention.

Ten years married. Fifteen years at Dynamic. Nearly 50 years alive. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Some of it hurt, but I’m grateful for where I am. Somehow I’m still learning, still evolving, still trying to lead with kindness, even when the world feels heavy.

It’s not flashy. It’s not cinematic. But it’s real. And right now, real feels good enough.

Cheers to 10 years.