This Body is Bullshit

Lately I’ve been reading (well, now listening to ) Suleika Jaouad’s The Book of Alchemy for the second time. On the surface, it’s about journaling, but it’s also about so much more—about noticing, about memory, about the small threads that weave a life. Combining prompts made me think about music, bands, songs, and the people and moments they remind you of.

The timing was perfect, because we just went to what we dubbed a “Yacht Rock” show: Men at Work, Christopher Cross, and Toto. I’ll be honest—I only knew about three songs from each band going in. It was hot enough during the day to fry an egg on the sidewalk, and I was convinced we’d roast. But then the sun went down, the weather turned perfect, and we had a group of fun people. The best part? Watching my friend Tricia absolutely come alive. I had no idea she was such a Yacht Rock superfan—she danced, she laughed, she cried. It was pure joy to watch her.

Tricia and her husband Matt have gone to shows with us before, mostly Big Head Todd and the Monsters. I love Big Head Todd—the song Circle always reminds me of Tricia’s husband Matt. Big Head Todd also takes me back to high school and nights with the Fenwick/Riverside crowd. That makes me think of my old friend Liz, who was usually there for those adventures. The last time I saw her was when Prince died because he reminded me of her and those days. we met for dinner with Melanie after I reached out. Life happened, and that was the last real catch-up.

Melanie is a music person through and through. She’s a dancer, a fairy who floats between live shows. She follows a band called Widespread Panic, and to this day I don’t know if I’ve ever actually heard a song by them. I used to mix them up with Rage Against the Machine, which could not be more opposite. Melanie’s mom Pam will forever be tied to I Heard It Through the Grapevine, and whenever I hear Strike It Up or Technotronic, I’m instantly back at her dad’s house in La Grange in the 90s—some of the best years of our lives.

Led Zeppelin will always be the soundtrack to late nights at my dad’s house with my stepsister Crissy, listening to the box set over and over. One night she acted out American Woman by The Guess Who—so random, so funny. These days Beyoncé makes me think of Crissy. When we went to Vegas, she went to see her in concert, and I had no idea she was such a huge fan. The only Vegas concert I’ve seen was Shania Twain with Nancy and some work friends. I like Shania, but country music was never really my thing.

My dad, though—he loves classic country. Kenny Rogers will always remind me of my dad. He leaves the classic country channel on for his dog when he leaves the house. When I think of country music, I think of Tammy and Terry. Remember When by Alan Jackson will always be Allison’s song—she introduced us to it. Donna gets credit for Starting Over by Chris Stapleton. Who introduced me to Didn’t Have to be? Makes me think of Ken and Matt being stepdads.

Grace’s music memories start with Justin Bieber—she was and is a huge fan. I took her to four concerts, and we even went to his movie. Now, I couldn’t tell you what genre she listens to—some kind of rap/trap hybrid—but she may have inherited that from me. When she was a baby, I was obsessed with Eminem’s The Eminem Show. My mom got in the car once and was appalled that I had it playing with a baby in the backseat. I said, “She can’t talk yet. She’s not going to repeat it.” I was always good at getting a rise out of my mom.

Speaking of my mom—Barry Manilow will always be hers. She wanted My Way by Frank Sinatra played at her funeral, because she did everything her way. She also loved I’m On Fire by Bruce Springsteen. Bruce is a religion for the Malek women—my aunts, my cousins—they’re superfans. One year at Wrigley, Bruce brought Eddie Vedder on stage to sing My Hometown and I about died.

Pearl Jam, though—that’s my band. I’ve been to several shows—with Amy, with Drew and Zoltan, with my husband. Two stand out: Wrigley, when they opened with Release (one of their best songs, fight me on it) and it started pouring. And Moline, where Matt proposed. He was hoping they’d play Release so he could time it perfectly, but instead they did the entire No Code album, and the moment came during Off He Goes. We danced to Future Days at our wedding.

My husband is a Grateful Dead fan. I was reluctant—those live songs felt like they went on for three days—but I’ve learned to love them, mainly the studio versions. Any Dead song makes me think of him, of Drew, or of our friend Ben.

And then there are the random “song triggers”:

Apple Bottom Jeans — Terry

September — Nancy

Love Man — Ken, dancing and singing his own lyrics

Baby Got Back — Allison, of course and my cousin Bryon (who once heard Grace recite the lyrics from her car seat)

Tom Petty — Heather

Can’t Feel My Face — Heather’s husband, Rusty, who requested for our wedding

INXS — also, Rusty

Gloria, both versions — Grandma Gloria

Mr. Boombastic and Party in the USA — Natalie

Going to California and California Dreamin’ — also Natalie (my California girl)She laughed at me when I took a video while we were in our hot air balloon ride in Temecula and I overlaid it with California dreaming, sometimes I’m silly like that.

B-Side by Leon Bridges and Khruangbin, Harvest Moon by Poolside — Natalie again, I felt cool coming home from California with new tunes

Scatman, Safety Dance, Rhythm is a Dancer…SO many songs make me think of Cathy.

Bon Jovi takes me back to my girlfriends—Terry, Donna, Tammy, Marisa, Megan—or my JJAM crew (Jenni, Jill, Amy, Molly). I saw at least 7 concerts with different combinations of these ladies. Guns N’ Roses takes me back to Highlands Middle School, convincing the girls in my class to use Welcome to the Jungle for our project in PE and driving the boys and teachers crazy playing it on repeat.

And then there’s Willie Nelson’s On the Road Again. It’s a core memory—my mom singing it before we took off for the next move, often in a beat-up car with a hole in the floorboard or a U-Haul. After my parents divorced, we moved a lot. I didn’t realize how poor we were. My mom just made the best of everything, so I thought that was just life. Maybe that’s where I learned to do the same as a single mom with Grace. I can still see the day my dad dropped me off in Memphis, standing behind a glass door, pounding on it, crying as he drove away. I was maybe three. Is it a real memory? I think so.

Music mostly makes me happy. Sometimes it guts you, sure, but mostly it connects you. I remember one night in Drew’s van, going through my iPod until two in the morning, playing only the first three seconds of each song to guess the title. It was my music and he still beat me.

I love that Matt balances his Deadhead ways with a love for 80’s ballads. We have different tastes, but enough overlap to fight over who gets to hook up to the speaker first.

There are so many more songs tied to so many more people—I just have to hear them to remember.

I wonder sometimes what songs make people think of me.

SOUNDTRACK

1. Men at Work – Down Under
2. Christopher Cross – Ride Like the Wind
3. Toto – Africa
4. Big Head Todd and the Monsters – Circle
5. Marvin Gaye – I Heard It Through the Grapevine
6. Black Box – Strike It Up
7. Technotronic – Pump Up the Jam
8. Led Zeppelin – Hey Hey What Can I Do
9. The Guess Who – American Woman
10. Beyoncé – Crazy in Love
11. Shania Twain – Man! I Feel Like a Woman!
12. Kenny Rogers – The Gambler
13. Alan Jackson – Remember When
14. Chris Stapleton – Starting Over
15. Brad Paisley – He Didn’t Have to Be
16. Justin Bieber – Baby
17. Eminem – Without Me
18. Barry Manilow – Copacabana
19. Bruce Springsteen – I’m On Fire
20. Frank Sinatra – My Way
21. Bruce Springsteen – My Hometown
22. Pearl Jam – Release
23. Pearl Jam – Off He Goes
24. Pearl Jam – Future Days
25. Grateful Dead – Ripple
26. Flo Rida – Low (Apple Bottom Jeans)
27. Earth, Wind & Fire – September
28. Otis Redding – Love Man
29. Sir Mix-a-Lot – Baby Got Back
30. Tom Petty – Free Fallin’
31. The Weeknd – Can’t Feel My Face
32. INXS – Need You Tonight
33. Laura Branigan – Gloria
34. Shadows of Knight – Gloria
35. Shaggy – Boombastic
36. Miley Cyrus – Party in the U.S.A.
37. Led Zeppelin – Going to California
38. The Mamas & the Papas – California Dreamin’
39. Leon Bridges & Khruangbin – B-Side
40. Poolside – Harvest Moon
41. Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
42. Guns N’ Roses – Welcome to the Jungle
43. Willie Nelson – On the Road Again
44. Prince – Purple Rain